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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fire
Year
Lasts
Last
Prairie
Funny
Cake
Years
Birthday
Like
Looked
Humor

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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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