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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Fire
Year
Lasts
Last
Prairie
Funny
Cake
Years
Birthday
Like
Looked
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
