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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lessons
Used
Front
Seat
Couldn
Drivers
Took
Seats
Humor
Failed
Test
Four
Tests
Funny
Fronts
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More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
