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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Four
Test
Funny
Tests
Learn
Fronts
Used
Lessons
Front
Seat
Couldn
Drivers
Took
Seats
Humor
Failed
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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