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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
School
Boys
Likely
Takes
Hour
Wife
Daughter
Either
Watches
Bargain
Public
Watch
Bargains
Hours
Humor
Voted
Half
Minutes
Conceive
Funny
Stupid
Daughters
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I can't get no respect.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
