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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Either
Watches
Bargain
Public
Watch
Bargains
Hours
Humor
Voted
Half
Minutes
Conceive
Funny
Stupid
Daughters
School
Boys
Likely
Takes
Hour
Wife
Daughter
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I can't get no respect.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
Rodney Dangerfield
