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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Told
Funny
Night
Take
Cooked
Garbage
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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