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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tried
Sex
Groups
Humor
Funny
Problem
Thank
Group
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
