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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Feel
Roll
Feels
Lays
Trying
Sorry
People
Humor
Wife
Water
Funny
Fats
Back
Beach
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
