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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Water
Funny
Fats
Back
Beach
Feel
Roll
Feels
Lays
Trying
Sorry
People
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
