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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Water
Funny
Fats
Back
Beach
Feel
Roll
Feels
Lays
Trying
Sorry
People
Humor
Wife
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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