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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Trying
Sorry
People
Humor
Wife
Water
Funny
Fats
Back
Beach
Feel
Roll
Feels
Lays
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
