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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
People
Humor
Wife
Water
Funny
Fats
Back
Beach
Feel
Roll
Feels
Lays
Trying
Sorry
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
