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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Inflicted
Thrill
Humor
Funny
Self

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield