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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Open
Lap
Funny
Santa
Time
Sat
Christmas
Gave
Humor
Boys
Present
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
