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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Open
Lap
Funny
Santa
Sat
Time
Christmas
Gave
Humor
Boys
Present
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
