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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Boys
Present
Open
Lap
Funny
Santa
Time
Sat
Christmas
Gave
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
