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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Boys
Present
Open
Lap
Funny
Santa
Time
Sat
Christmas
Gave
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
