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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wasn
Went
Funny
Showed
Wanted
Bars
Enough
Gay
Proof
Sex
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I can't get no respect.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
