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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Showed
Wanted
Bars
Enough
Gay
Proof
Sex
Humor
Wasn
Went
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
