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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
State
Planes
Funny
Attack
Girl
Ugly
States
Took
Humor
Building
Started
Empire
Knew
Empires
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
