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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Building
Started
Empire
Knew
Empires
State
Planes
Funny
Attack
Girl
Ugly
States
Took
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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