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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
State
Planes
Funny
Attack
Girl
Ugly
Took
States
Humor
Building
Started
Empire
Knew
Empires
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
