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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Building
Started
Empire
Knew
Empires
State
Planes
Funny
Attack
Girl
Ugly
States
Took
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
