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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
States
Took
Humor
Building
Started
Empire
Knew
Empires
State
Planes
Funny
Attack
Girl
Ugly
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
