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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Started
Morning
Funny
Making
Girl
Hate
Crying
Going
Cry
Love
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
