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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Love
Humor
Started
Morning
Funny
Making
Girl
Hate
Crying
Going
Cry
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
