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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Started
Morning
Funny
Making
Girl
Hate
Crying
Going
Cry
Love
Humor
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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