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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Making
Girl
Hate
Crying
Going
Cry
Love
Humor
Started
Morning
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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