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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hate
Crying
Going
Cry
Humor
Love
Started
Morning
Funny
Making
Girl
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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