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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Handle
Asked
Humor
Went
Wife
Funny
Felt
Bags
Time
Hotel
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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