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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Felt
Bags
Time
Hotel
Handle
Asked
Humor
Went
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
