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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Felt
Bags
Time
Hotel
Handle
Asked
Humor
Went
Wife
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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