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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hotel
Time
Handle
Asked
Humor
Went
Wife
Funny
Bags
Felt
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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