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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Gets
Humor
Warmer
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
Wait
Asked
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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