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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wait
Asked
Gets
Humor
Warmer
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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