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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
Wait
Asked
Gets
Humor
Warmer
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I don't get no respect
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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