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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Warmer
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
Wait
Asked
Gets
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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