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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
Wait
Asked
Gets
Humor
Warmer
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
