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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Lakes
Men
Ice
Wait
Asked
Gets
Humor
Warmer
Told
Skating
Waiting
Lake
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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