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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Time
Parents
Humor
Thousand
Respect
Kidnapped
Parent
Note
Five
Sent
Funny
Notes
Kids
Dollars
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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