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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Notes
Kids
Dollars
Time
Parents
Humor
Thousand
Respect
Kidnapped
Parent
Note
Five
Sent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
