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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Kids
Dollars
Time
Parents
Humor
Thousand
Respect
Kidnapped
Parent
Note
Five
Sent
Funny
Notes
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
