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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Thousand
Respect
Kidnapped
Parent
Note
Five
Sent
Funny
Notes
Kids
Dollars
Time
Parents
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I can't get no respect.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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