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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Notes
Kids
Dollars
Time
Parents
Humor
Thousand
Respect
Kidnapped
Parent
Note
Five
Sent
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
