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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Zone
Watches
Humor
Funny
Two
Time
Wears
Fats
Girlfriend
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I can't get no respect.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
