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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Funny
Two
Time
Wears
Fats
Girlfriend
Zone
Watches
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I can't get no respect.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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