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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Came
Asks
Jogging
Guy
Underwear
Funny
Street
Home
Early
Come
Streets
Work
Humor
Says
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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