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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Street
Home
Early
Come
Streets
Work
Humor
Says
Came
Asks
Jogging
Guy
Underwear
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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