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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Called
Came
Funny
Away
Triple
Broke
Car
Humor
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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