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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Car
Humor
Called
Came
Funny
Away
Triple
Broke
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I don't get no respect
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I can't get no respect.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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