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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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