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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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