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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
