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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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