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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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