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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield
