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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
