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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Thing
Walked
Humor
Says
Wife
Funny
Tell
Milkman
Firsts
Butcher
First
Butchers
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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