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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wouldn
Humor
Funny
Gamblers
Two
Anon
Make
Joined
Minimum
Gave
Drink
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
