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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Funny
Gamblers
Two
Anon
Make
Joined
Minimum
Gave
Drink
Wouldn
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
