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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Every
Push
Car
Humor
Trouble
Funny
Family
Nothing
Troubles
Take
Sunday
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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