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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Car
Humor
Trouble
Funny
Family
Nothing
Troubles
Take
Sunday
Every
Push
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
