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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Car
Humor
Trouble
Funny
Family
Nothing
Troubles
Take
Sunday
Every
Push
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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