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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Every
Push
Car
Humor
Trouble
Funny
Family
Nothing
Troubles
Take
Sunday
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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