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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Night
Eggs
Time
Sex
Humor
Wife
Lasts
Purpose
Last
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
