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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Wife
Lasts
Purpose
Last
Funny
Night
Eggs
Time
Sex
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
