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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Worst
Wife
Dark
Funny
Believe
Glow
Cook
Cooks
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
