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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cook
Cooks
Humor
Worst
Wife
Dark
Funny
Believe
Glow
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
