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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cook
Cooks
Humor
Worst
Wife
Dark
Funny
Believe
Glow
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
