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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Believe
Glow
Cook
Cooks
Humor
Worst
Wife
Dark
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
