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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Truck
Bought
Car
Second
Humor
Perfect
Funny
Tow

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield