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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Respect
Told
Family
Kite
Running
Kites
Men
Cliff
Cliffs
Air
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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