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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Air
Asked
Respect
Told
Family
Kite
Running
Kites
Men
Cliff
Cliffs
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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