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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Respect
Told
Family
Kite
Running
Kites
Men
Cliff
Cliffs
Air
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I can't get no respect.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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